Hey, look, it’s me.
It’s been 5 days since the UPCM list of interviewees was released, and sad to say, but I wasn’t given the chance to be part of Class 2017. It’s been 5 days already, but I’m still not over it. I’ve been expecting it, knowing that my grades seem to be lower than my female batchmates (even if I am cum laude standing), but it’s really different when you’re finally facing the fact that you can’t be part of something you really want to be part of.
Sure, I do admit that it is my fault that I did not exactly put my best foot forward in the past 3 years of my college life. I barely passed my Bio 11 because I decided not to care about my grades. That was even the phase when I did not want to be a doctor anymore, and fun made more sense to me. Looking back, I even should have dropped a few classes that I was not doing well in, but little did I know about dropping and all I felt was that dropping a class was a waste of my money. But it’s too late for regretting anything, really. (Not that I do regret anything much that I did instead of studying, kind of. Haha.)
Heck, little did I know about medical schools when I got to college. I didn’t even know about grade cut-offs, I thought you just had to apply. I only knew about everything after summer class in second year, when all possible academic mistakes that could be done was made. It was hard to pull my grades up in 3 semesters, given the required majors at those times. Maybe it hurts because I expected even a little bit that I would make it at least to the interviews—kahit hindi umabot sa final list, makapag-interview lang. Anyway, what’s the point of rationalizing, when everything’s done.
I’m still sad I didn’t make it. It means a lot of things to me. It means I won’t be able to be with most of my batchmates who passed. It means I won’t be schoolmates again with my boyfriend. It means that I won’t be able to be part of UP anymore.
It also means I let my parents down.
I’m really lost right now as to where I want to go. I don’t want to think about it right now. I have a bunch of things I still have to do, and sulking about this isn’t helping me at all. I need to, though. Just because. I still want to be a doctor, of course. That’s what matters now, to make my dreams come true. I just don’t know where to go now.
